Beer

Quebec City: A Little Piece Of Europe Just North Of The Border – Part Three – Conclusion

By Nick Iandolo

This article was originally published on Beantown Socialite (link here): October 13th, 2010.


…continued from deuxième partie.

Quebec City's Grande Allée is so happening, that there's even a 'Gigantic Disco Ball' lighting up the whole street!
Quebec City’s Grande Allée is so happening there’s even a Gigantic Disco Ball lighting up the whole street!
Source: Nick Iandolo

We found ourselves sitting out at on a patio at an Italian restaurant that overlooked the main thoroughfare—with a great view of a night club across the street—complete with a massive disco ball illuminating the entire block with 1970’s flair and equivalent music to boot. The throngs of people wandering up and down the Grande Allée seemed endless and reminded us of many public events back home like the Feast of Saint Anthony in North End of Boston or Water Fire in Providence. If it weren’t for sheer exhaustion of an entire day exploring the city Sue and I would stayed out and partied with everyone well into the wee hours…

That and the next day’s wonderful breakfast at the L’Arvidienne that Mireille and Serge would prepare for us: a tasty tomato and basil omelette with a fine veal pâté for our toasted breads.

After our delightful breakfast the following day, we were ready to explore a little further outside the city limits. We decided to check out Les chutes de Montmorency (Montmorency Falls) and the nearby Isle d’Orleans (Island of Orleans). The falls were exceptional, billed as being approximately 30 meters (98 feet) higher than Niagara Falls they are spectacular to watch especially from the bridge that spans the width of it from above. There is an entire section of stairs and landings that slope down one side of the rocks nearby that offer a breathtaking view of the falls, and a cable car ride that takes you back to the top (or down if you wish) connected to a visitor’s center below. There are many spots to take fabulous pictures and get sprayed all at once.

The grandeur that is the Montmorency Falls of Quebec City!
The grandeur that is the Montmorency Falls of Quebec City!
Source: Nick Iandolo

The Island of Orleans was a bit of a disappointment for us however. We were told that this place was a picturesque spot filled with shops, sites, and great views of Quebec City nearby. We were expecting something like Martha’s Vineyard and what we really got was Nahant Massachusetts meets Westerly Rhode Island with a little Cape Cod thrown in. Not that it was bad, but certainly attempting to tour the entire island would have been a waste of a whole day for us. Instead, we stuck to the main attractions: the chocolate shop, the gelato shop, the foundry, and of course the microbrew. We ended getting there too late to hit the wineries and some of the more rustic shops. But after two hours we were done. We desperately ran back to the visitor’s center to return our skipping English language tour CD for a refund. Our advice would be to avoid the island if you can or stick to the aforementioned highlights and move on to more interesting venues.

So disappointed were we with the Island of Orleans that we immediately made a bee-line back to Quebec City and parked our car near the Rue du Petit-Champlain for an early evening stroll in the shops and a very nice dinner sitting outside one of the more eclectic eateries that feature a lot of pork and pig dishes (including a decent attempt at barbecued ribs) at Le Cochon Dingue. Watching ships go by in the evening hours as we enjoyed the outside ambience was very tranquilizing and helped to undo our pensive impressions of the island earlier.

For our last day in Quebec City my wife and I were treated to a lovely breakfast of, you guessed it, French Toast! I was waiting for it over the last couple of days and Mireille certainly delivered. We were a little sad to be leaving our hosts—we had grown fond of them in the last couple of days. I would certainly recommend any couple of all ages visiting Quebec City to look into staying at the L’Arvidienne Couette et Café. The rooms were clean, decorative, and comfortable: each one named after a famous French painter such as Monet or Van Gogh. The service and friendliness of the hosts are bar-none top notch. And there is ample free parking that you wouldn’t find if staying at a B&B in the crowded Old Walled City. All in all, this was a very good stay for a couple of native New Englanders.

But it was time for us to head home, of course after a little diversion back to the old city for a few more hours. This time we parked at an underground parking garage near The Parliament Building. We headed over to this palatial edifice which is the seat of government for the Province of Quebec, and at one time all of Canada. My wife and I passed through a minimum of security that would have given the guards at the US Capitol Building a nervous breakdown, and we made it just in time for the free tour. We were treated to anecdotes on the building’s history (tied with Quebec’s) as recorded in the architecture and stained glass windows everywhere you looked. Also, we were taken to the two main meeting chambers for Quebec’s Parliament past and present—including the room where they almost voted to succeed from the Canadian Union back in 1995. And we checked out the interactive multimedia kiosks in the building’s foyer that presents many fascinating videos on the goings on in Quebec the province, Quebec City, and Canada—all in French of course.

The Parliament building was a good short diversion that whetted my appetite for more historical ventures while touring the city. So we ended up walking over to the The Artillery Park where you can tour the Old Armory, Soldier’s Barracks, and the Colonel’s Home just beyond the wall near the Rue Saint-Jean. Unlike the extensive Citadel that we just didn’t have time to visit, we thought that we could do a quick tour of these smaller historic military sites before we had to finally head home. We were pleasantly surprised that for a minimal fee (covering all three buildings) we got to see some interesting artifacts and learn some intriguing historical facts here.

The Cannons of Quebec City.
The Cannons of Quebec City.
Source Link

The Amory was the largest that once held munitions used to repel the British invasion back in 1759. It was also used as an ammunition factory to help Canada’s war effort in both World Wars of the last century. Finally, it was turned into a museum that features pleasant and informative staff in period costumes, a stage for presentations, lots of artifacts from the city’s various periods, formal tours of the sites, and large model of historic Quebec that can be viewed from a catwalk above much like (but a fraction of the size) the massive Italo Gismondi’s model of Ancient Rome in the Museo della Civiltà Romana located just outside of Rome Italy in the EUR district.

The other buildings in the site were also interesting as the staff/performers played their parts well to give visitors a sense of what it was like to live in earlier times centuries ago—up to and including a wood burning fire in the barrack’s kitchen where a cook was preparing for the visitor to sample actual bread (baked in the original hearth, with a titillating aroma permeating the entire kitchen even from the outside) and other victuals the soldiers of the day sustained themselves with. I should also remark that the cook seemed to be very much in love with the maid who serviced the Colonel’s home nearby as he told us to compliment her eyes for him when we went over there—this was apparently more than an act as those two were beaming when they saw each other—a nice reminder of why my wife and I came to Quebec City in the first place: a romantic get-a-way.

After our little amorous interlude and historical excursion, we decided to have one more meal outside before we headed back to the United States. We walked along the Rue Saint-Jean to the Rue Sainte-Anne, and found a row of eateries with patios just waiting for us to patronize. I was in the mood for a simple hamburger and we ended up at this labyrinthine Irish Pub called, Maison Serge Bruyère—though the name does not match the signage which suggests, The Pub St. Patrick. An Irish Pub in French Canadian Quebec City you say? Well it couldn’t hurt to try it and we were pleasantly surprised at the quality of service, food, and beer we got there. Also, the view of the street and the throngs of people going by were a nice bonus.

St. Patrick Pub (or Pub St. Patrick) is a wonderful place for good out-door eats in the Old Walled City of Quebec City.
St. Patrick Pub (or Pub St. Patrick) is a wonderful place for good outdoor eats in the Old Walled City of Quebec City.
Source Link

Afterwards, we got one more gelato for the road and begrudgingly decided that we absolutely had to leave and go home. We retrieved our car and left this fabulous place the way we came. As we crossed over the bridge once again, the sun was starting to set over the Saint Lawrence bathing the city in an iridescent golden light—what a wonderful last look it was.

On the ride back and well into the evening, my wife and I talked about some of the things that we were definitely going to see and do the next time we visit Quebec City, sites and attractions such as: The Citadel, The Centre d’interprétation de Place-Royale, The Falls at St. Catharines, The Plains of Abraham, the ubiquitous horse and buggy ride, a boat tour of the Saint Lawrence River with stunning views of the city, more nightlife attractions, more museums including the Dragon exhibit at the Musee de la Civilisation (if it is still there), more eating outside and more fine dining experiences, and simply more of everything that can be gleefully enjoyed in one of the most romantic cities in North America—only a six and a half hour drive from Boston. This was a true travel success as far as we were concerned.

We vowed to return again someday, perhaps very soon in 2011 as Quebec City celebrates its 403rd year anniversary on July 3rd. I don’t think Uncle Sam will mind us spending two Independence Day holidays with our neighbors to the North.

Ah Quebec City, “Très Bien!”

Quebec City celebrates is 400th anniversary in grand style with glorious fireworks!
Quebec City celebrates its 400th anniversary in grand style with glorious fireworks!
Source Link

Copywriting

Selling the Sizzle and the Steak!

See what I did there?

I just copywrote a nice little hook to this page!

I have been copywriting for many years, and for many organizations.

Below are examples of where my copywriting has appeared from taglines, direct mail, marketing collateral, print ads, banners, post cards, spec sheets, advertorials, to reviews, and more!

Taglines

Nick Iandolo

Probably the most recent tagline I wrote was about me—actually about my what I offer as a professional writer.

The tagline is:

21st Century Digital Writing

You will see it on all of my personal marketing collateral from my Candidate Profile One-sheet to my social media channels’ headers—see the Branding and Logos page for examples.

Nick Iandolo LinkedIn Profile Page Excerpt.
Click on image to view in full size.

Here is a what top portion of my LinkedIn profile page looks like.

The most recent tagline, 21st Century Digital Writing, is my LinkedIn professional headline rather than whatever job title I’m shooting for. I believe my tagline in this case (i.e. for my entire profile) conveys far better what I can offer clients and companies than a job title that might get outdated. Good copywriting is future-proof!

Now granted, this doesn’t work in every case. And in fact, I chose to headline my Candidate Profile One-Sheet with a job title that makes it easier for prospective hiring managers to give my credentials a cursory glance for possible jobs that reflect that title.

Dedham Television

Next up is the brand new and exciting tagline for Dedham Television.

Here was the old one:

Watch It!

Here is the new one that I wrote:

Integrated Media for a Connected Community!

Which one would you prefer?

Click on image to view document.

Obviously the newer one that I wrote. The old tagline was wrapped up in the old logo and simply did not reflect the newer digital times that we live in. Therefore, I made a case to the Exec. Dir. to change it, and she agreed. The new tagline is used on the new Dedham TV website, product data-sheets (as on the reverse page of the document to the left), and on marketing collateral such as the business cards—see the Websites page and the Branding & Logos page for examples.

Direct Mail

Best Western Centralized Advertising Website Program – ISM

Back when I was working at Irma S. Mann Strategic Marketing (ISM), I did a lot of copywriting for their Best Western Centralized Advertising Website Program (a mouthful, I know). My primary duty was to promote and grow the program which was a subscription service to a proprietary website builder app for BW franchisees. This involved reaching out the BW members nationally and internationally through direct mail, HTML email advertising, and faxback solicitations (yes, faxing as in facsimile machines, if you can recall what those were!).

Texas Best Western website program direct mail piece for ISM created by Nick Iandolo.
Click here to view image in full size.

The example here is a direct mail piece that I created in a Adobe Pagemill (a now defunct desktop publishing program, superseded by Adobe InDesign and Photoshop/Illustrator to a lesser extent).

Below is an example of a faxback solicitation!

Best Western Centralized Advertising Website Program faxback solicitation created by Nick Iandolo.
Click on image to view in full size.

And finally, below is an example of a rich HTML Email (direct mail) marketing campaign for the BW website program. This was actually created in both Adobe Photoshop and Macromedia (now Adobe) Dreamweaver. I coded this in HTML before it was sent to Constant Contact for distribution.

ISM BW website program HTML Email blast created by Nick Iandolo.
Click on image to view in full size.

Note: Though the graphics and design might be a little slim on these three examples—due to the fact that I hadn’t fully developed my Photoshop, InDesign, and Illustrator skills at the time (ca. 2003-04)—the important thing to note is all of the actual copywriting in these samples. They are filled with all of the features that make for sizzling copywriting: hooks, humor, pithy witticisms, value propositions, price points vs. pain points, and calls to action to name a few. ISM actually had real graphic designers working on other client projects; I was one of the few writers who could bridge the divide between writing and design, and do it digitally!

Marketing Collateral

Best Western Centralized Advertising Website Program – ISM

Even though there is a whole page Marketing and Communications page that is full of marketing collateral examples of my writing, I thought that a few examples here from the BW website program might also serve as samples of my copywriting work.

While I managed this program for ISM, I wrote a ton of stuff from technical documents, webcopy, reports, proposals, to the aforementioned direct mail pieces and more. Below is a sample of a report that was used as part of a Welcome Kit that I created for the BW website program. The kit’s purpose was to get the new subscriber to the program up-to-speed quickly to all of the features and benefits of the program, which included website statistics and SEO.

Click on image to view document.

Print Ads

Print Ads are a staple of copywriting. As the Senior Communications Manager at DVAC I got to create a number of print ads that made their way into the local news publications such as The Dedham Times.

Below is an example of one such print ad announcing Dedham Television’s new website (that I built, see the Websites page for more info). Not only did I write all of the copy for this ad but I also created the design in Adobe Photoshop.

The important thing to note here is that the Dedham TV tagline also appears here on this ad. Furthermore, the fonts, branding, and logo were all carefully chosen to represent the organization. The ad succinctly illustrates all the new features and benefits of the DedhamTV.com website.

Dedham TV's new website ad for Dedham Times created by Nick Iandolo.
Click on image to view in full size.

There is also a black and white version of this print ad.

Visit the Custom Graphics page to learn more about this ad.

Dedham Television, Psychic Voices, print ad for The Dedham Times, created by Nick Iandolo and Susan Howland.
Click on image to view in full size.

To the left is another print ad that also appeared in The Dedham Times that I worked on with Susan Howland of Creativedge – Innovative Marketing Solutions. This one was a simple promo for a live audience recording of a spiritual medium experience hosted by Dedham Television. Though the copy on this ad is pretty bare bones, the color graphics are what makes the ad really pop out.

Banners

Cut the Crap and WRITE THAT DAMN SCREENPLAY!

A long time ago I wrote two non-fiction books on screenwriting, the first one was titled Cut The Crap and WRITE THAT DAMN SCREENPLAY! It was, as the following banner describes it:

The concise easy-to-follow no BS book on screenwriting!

And it was!

In fact, the book was even endorsed by the organizers of Hollywood’s Great American PitchFest. So much so, that I was invited to be a guest exhibitor at their annual conference. They gave me a nice booth to occupy, for which I created this banner:

Cut the Crap and WRITE THAT DAMN SCREENPLAY! Great American PitchFest exhibit booth banner created by Nick Iandolo.
Click on image to view in full size.

Note: This is a greatly reduced version of the original banner image. The original is a Photoshop file tops out at about 400MB and is over 8K pixels wide! The printed version of the banner that was used on the booth is almost 6 feet long!

My screenwriting book was also endorsed by David Trottier, author of THE SCREENWRITER’S BIBLE.

Post Cards

Not only did I write the aforementioned non-fiction books but I also wrote a series of Science-Fiction books titled NLV (A.K.A. New Las Vegas). They were in novella formats, each chapter a semi-stand alone story but with an overall story arc. They featured a suite of recurring characters all loosely connected to each other.

The concept was about a super-sized version of Las Vegas in the future where almost nothing is illegal.

I managed to write, produce, and publish two EBooks of NLV—future chapters are still in development.

And to promote them, I created marketing collateral, which included promotional post cards. The following sample was distributed at the 2013 San Diego Comic-Con resulting in thousands of downloads for each chapter!

NLV (a.k.a. New Las Vegas) EBook series written by Nick Iandolo, promotional post card created by Nick Iandolo.
Click on image to view in full size.

Note: This postcard really highlighted the fact that the books were only available in EBook formats. This was a conscious choice to tap into the lucrative digital publishing market with almost no overhead for physical printing needs. Furthermore, the QR code on the back of the postcard takes you directly to NLVProject.com. The website also dedicated to the promotion and details about all things NLV. It was a great website full of media and news and so much more. The website is currently in a mothballed state as I am retooling the entire writing project for traditional publication.

Susan Howland of Creativedge also helped with the design of this postcard. The Ebook covers’ artwork were made by Daniel Thron. The postcards were created using a combination of Adobe Photoshop and Vistaprint’s postcard builder.

Spec Sheets

What are Spec Sheets? They concept or idea documents. Essentially, an organization’s marketing department would bounce around new ideas and if they have a really good creative staff—especially writers—they can put together a flyer or data-sheet on a speculative product or service.

This type of copywriting can also be employed when campaigning for new opportunities at companies. I have had the opportunity to put together spec sheets for companies like GTECH (now IGT), BOSE, and HASBRO.

The following are my spec sheet samples that I created for each of the aforementioned organizations.

GTECH’s iLotto

Back when the iPhone was a relatively new thing, it seemed like there was an app for just about anything coming out in droves. It was only a matter of time before online gambling apps would become a reality—albeit a mostly illegal reality. However, there are quasi-legitimate gambling apps that exist today such as: SLOTS.LV, DraftKings, and Lottery.com.

However, thinking forward as I was campaigning for a copywriting role with GTECH, I created and delivered this spec sheet on a new product called the iLotto by GTECH!

Spec Sheet created for GTECH by Nick Iandolo called iLotto.
Click on image to view in full size.

As you will see in the sample, this spec sheet has all the copywriting tropes: catchy headline, problem-action-result sales pitch, a call to action, plus some quick and dirty technical information to help entice customers.

When I create a spec sheet, I go all they way, which includes elements like copyright info, legal disclaimers, actual company graphics and branding styles, and design elements (sidebars, text boxes, etc.). This particular sample was created in an older version of Adobe InDesign.

BOSE Wave-iPod

Back when my desktop publishing skills were still in its infancy, I used Microsoft Word a lot to create more primitive spec sheets. However, my focus has always been on the writing first, then the graphic design. I’ve gotten a heck of a lot better since now that I use Adobe InDesign to create most of my spec sheets and marketing collateral for companies and clients.

Spec Sheet created by Nick Iandolo for BOSE titled BOSE Wave-iPod.
Click on image to view in full size.

This sample is for another writing job campaign, this time at BOSE in Framingham Mass. I’d put this sample around circa 2004 as the iPod featured in it was a fourth generation click wheel Apple iPod—nothing like the advanced iPod Touch Sixth Generation that my daughter has where she can Facetime her friends with!

But back in ’04 the iPod Click Wheel was all the rage!

Anyway, BOSE is a great company in Framingham Mass. and I really wanted to work there. So I put this spec sheet together as part of an interview strategy. This one isn’t as tricked out as the GTECH sample but the copy is what’s important here.

HASBRO: G.I. Pony & Escape From Starkiller Base

Hasbro is like a fortress: trying to breach the employment wall there is extremely difficult—even when one of your relatives works there!

I can’t tell you how many jobs I have applied for, phone screened, and interviewed for in the past. However, for one reason or another they never seem to move forward with me. I have sent them numerous portfolios and the following spec sheets. Sometimes when it seems like I’d be moving to the next level in the interview process, the job gets put on hold or cancelled. Sometimes I simply never hear from them again.

I often joke that no one gets hired at HASBRO…well, almost no one!

Anyway, here are two of my masterpieces during my feckless attempts to work at the “Star Wars and Marvel” toy company!

Spec Sheet created by Nick Iandolo for HASBRO titled G.I. Pony: Viva La Ponyville.
Click on image to view in full size.

The first is G.I. Pony: Viva La Ponyville. This is a mash-up of My Little Pony and G.I. Joe, two HABRO merchandising properties. I thought it would be fun to put this together to demonstrate my Brand Writer skills. I have to credit Susan Howland of Creativedge here for the kick-butt pony images. I put together the spec logo at the top the sheet in Adobe Illustrator. Note the witty and whimsical style in the overall copy—especially with the horse puns used for the characters’ names.

I actually think this would have been a great toy line had I got a chance to pitch it!

Thumbnail image for Spec Sheet titled 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens - "Escape From Starkiller Base"' by Nick Iandolo.
Click on image to view full document.

The second is Star Wars: The Force Awakens – “Escape From Starkiller Base”.

The story idea is that you’re either a member of The Resistance or the First Order. You are trapped on the doomed Starkiller Base and have to escape before it blows up. The game play involves an interactive board game setup enhance by mini-touch screens and connected mobile devices. There was even a VR component to it as well.

The whole concept was to create a popular HASBRO brand-based game, and write the compelling copy for it, to campaign for a Games Writer position. They needed creative game ideas that encompassed their brands, and I gave them one!

It’s too bad that the work that went into this concept didn’t go anywhere. Oh well, I still think it would have made a best selling 21st Century game!

See for yourself.

Advertorials

Advertorials, the cross between an advertisement and an editorial, can be both a blessing and a curse. The blessing comes from the fun that they are to write. You can literally tell any story you want in any fantastical way that you want, and still market and promote your product or service. The curse is when readers get deep into the advertorial and realize that they are not reading news but a thinly-veiled advertisement. It can be very annoying.

The key to not alienating your readers from the product or service that the advertorial is trying to promote is to simply be up front with them: this is an advertorial but you’re going to want to read it anyway. Why? Because it will tell a great story regardless.

That’s they way I wrote the following two advertorials.

Note — These documents are formatted in traditional formal short-story/journalism pre-publication formats. They were never intended to be dressed up as marketing collateral, only to be submitted (magazine-style) to the prospective employers.

SAM ADAMS OCTOBERFEST: THE NECTAR OF THE GODS

At one time, my favorite beer was Sam Adams Octoberfest. If you’re a craft brew drinker who could resist the malty and toffee flavor of this fine seasonal beverage?

Plus, at the time I was a semi-regular at the Boston Beer Company (makers of Samuel “Sam” Adams beer) Octoberfest annual celebration in Boston.

And around that time my wife and I were getting married.

Sam Adams Octoberfest Advertorial written by Nick Iandolo, thumbnail image that links to the actual document.
Click on image to read full document.

So being the ever exuberant writer that I am, I decided to write a series of Sam Adam Beer Chronicles that were both episodic and interconnected to each other (much like my science fiction novels). The first one I wrote was Sam Adams Octoberfest: The Nectar of the Gods. I won’t spoil the plot here; you can read it in its entirety by clicking on the image to the left.

Writing it was great fun; however, what was even more fun was handing a copy of the story to Jim Koch himself! For those who don’t know who Jim Koch is, he is the man who founded and presides over the Boston Beer Company, and is quite the folk hero around these parts!

He said he was thrilled to read it, which I hope he did but knowing how insanely busy he is, I’m sure he never got around to it. Regardless, giving the story to him was a personal victory for me!

HOW I GOT LUCKY ON CHRISTMAS GTECH: THE COMPANY BEHIND THE MAGIC

Next up is a little advertorial that I wrote for GTECH (again as part of my campaign to secure a writing position with them).

GTECH Advertorial written by Nick Iandolo, this thumbnail links to the actual document.
Click on image to view full document.

This one was about a true story of my wife Sue (as in Susan Howland of Creativedge who I keep mentioning all throughout this portfolio!) and a trip we made to a Connecticut casino of Christmas Day Night. Since GTECH (and presumably IGT now) makes casino gaming machines, I thought that it would be a great idea to merge the two into an advertorial that I could use to present myself to the company.

Though it went nowhere, here is the story anyway, which illustrates my copywriting and advertising writing skills.

Product Reviews

As I have mentioned before, a lot of times prospective employers want to know if you have the chops to write for them; therefore, they will give you (the writing candidate) an assignment. For NASUNI Corp. it was two product reviews that answered questions they proposed.

Here they are for your reading enjoyment!

Product review for Nasuni Corp. by Nick Iandolo. This thumbnail image links to the full document.
Click on image to view full document.

Note — This was written in 2010, a lot has changed technology-wise since then. I am now the proud owner of a prematurely past-its-prime iPhone 7!

Story Pitches

As we near the final entries into my Copywriting section of this online portfolio, I have decided to include the following story pitches that wrote for Thrillist Boston. If there’s one thing you can say about me, it is that I have no shortage of ideas. This should be a good benefit to any future employers who need writers that can constantly come up with new stories and story angles for their marketing efforts. I am that person!

Spec Pitches for Thrillist Boston written by Nick Iandolo, this is a thumbnail that links to the actual document.
Click on image to view full document.

Spec Copywriting Samples

Finally, I’d like to end off this section with some Spec Copywriting Samples. One agency that I reached out to required that I was familiar with all of the various copywriting styles.

Such as:

  • Hooks
  • Know, Like Trust
  • Problem, Pain, Promise
  • B2C Copywriting, Bonus/Incentive
  • SEO Copywriting
  • B2B Copywriting
  • Lift Note
  • Headlines

Of course I am!

So here they are!

HOOKS

If I were Apple Inc. here’s what I’d say about the new iHoloPhone:

“Telegraph, Telephone, Cellphone, iPhone… Meet the 2020 iHoloPhone: everything before it: is like tying a string between two cups!”

If I were Tesla Motors here’s what I’d say about the new Hydrogen-powered Model H1X car:

“Now the most prevalent substance in the Universe powers your car…forever. The H1X utilizes the most advanced eco friendly hydrogen burning engine on the planet for a staggering 1000 miles per cubic meter of H1 gas. And the only emission is water vapor. This is the car that Mother Earth has been waiting for— so have you!”

If I were Del Frisco’s Grille opening up in Dedham Mass, here’s how I’d get “foodies” to come to my new location:

“New York has only one; Massachusetts now has three! Who knows steak better than New Englanders? Come in out of the cold, watch the Pats win in the next ‘snowbowl’ and dive into the best rib eye this side of the Charles!”

KNOW, LIKE, AND TRUST

If I were a fast-growing local financial services organization that wanted to sound like the big Wall Street boys, here’s how I would write my next ad:

“AIG, Wells Fargo, JPMorgan Chase, BOA, AMEX, and two of the Big Three automakers: what do they all have in common? Nothing with Dedham Financial Corp! We don’t take bailouts, handouts, or copouts! Our clients make the money first. That’s the DFC guarantee!”

PROBLEM, PAIN, AND PROMISE

If I were a health care provider organization such as Lahey Hospital here’s the message that I would to convey to patients considering changing medical services:

“Lahey Hospital: honest, caring, convenient, and comprehensive medicine. Everything you need to get well again.”

B2C COPYWRITING, BONUS/INCENTIVE

If I were Ben and Jerry’s moving into JP Licks’ territory here’s how I’d run my campaign:

“This Saturday at Ben and Jerry’s newest location in Dedham Mass there will be an ice cream blowout! All of your favorite flavors: New York Superfudge Chunk, Cherry Garcia, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, and many more, plus some blasts from the past like Rainforest Crunch and Wavy Gravy, will be given away to the first 200 customers who come on down! Also there will be games, entertainment, and maybe even a clown or two! Don’t miss this Ice Cream Madness in May event!”

SEO COPYWRITING

If I were a web-services company here’s how I would write my banner ad:

“Web hosting, web development, and ad words, all made easy with One Click Web!”

B2B COPYWRITING

If I were resurrecting Satcon Technologies, here’s how I would spread the word:

“National security has always relied on strong stable energy resources. Now more than ever America needs to utilize and optimize its domestic sustainable power sources: solar, wind, and clean burning coal. Satcon offers its energy grid customers a vast array of new products designed to make power generation and transmission safe and secure for America’s future and beyond!”

LIFT NOTE

If I were sending out a direct mail piece to tell local residents that a new small business (a jewelry store) was opening up in Dedham Square, here’s how I’d get their attention:

“Dedham Square has just become a little more sparkly! Caution! You may need sunglasses to see what’s inside!”

HEADLINES

JUNK OFF! 20% OFF WASTE REMOVAL NOW!

RUN THE RACE GET FREE STUFF!!!

BUY ONE, GET TWO FREE! BUY TWO, GET FOUR FREE!

FORGOT ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY? WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED!

HUNGRY? LET’S EAT! 1 ENTRÉE & 2 APPS FOR $9.99! YUM!!!

DON’T GET CAUGHT IN THE COLD WITHOUT ONE! BURBERRY IMITATIONS STARTING AT $10!

DEDHAM KENNELS: YOUR PET, PAMPERED RIGHT!

LONG WEEKEND? SPEND IT WITH US! STAY 2 NIGHTS, GET 1 FREE!